Random rambling.

Well, I feel like I need to get something out, but I don't know exactly what. So I think I'll just ramble on here for a bit and hopefully what I feel like needs to get out does. As such, some of the ramble might not be about BIID, but maybe life in general and other things.

Yes, I do realize that it seems if some of (if not all of) my opinions and takes on thing can be a bit controversial, even rub some peoples nerves the wrong way. I try to be tactful when I give my opinions, but I will be the first to admit that it could be better done, and I need to (and am) working on it. However I don't plan on being 'politically correct' in my proceeding rambles, and I hope that no one will take offense. I may also refer to biid as if it only applied to that amputee side of thing, and I'd hope that people take note that biid is more than just amputees stuff. The reasoning for doing so with biid is because that is how it is currently affecting me. Also I may use terms that might be more better described with another term.


In regards to those with biid, and having disability not being a sexual thing or fetish, I'd say that it very well might be such for, but qualify it with that it's probably only secondary to the condition.

I've also wondered that with those with biid sometimes feel an intense 'pain' sensation in the affected limb. Whether that be secondary, or primary to biid, I don't know. But for me I think it might be both, so in other words it's inclusive. For me in more intense times of biid, the more the limb 'hurts' more. But than even in lesser times with biid, when the limb hurts, it seems to trigger the more intense 'biid' times. And with that it seems to just go back and forth.

There's also the, for what I believe/seem to remember (which is often wrong) for the at least current in draft requirement for biid, one of which is 'feeling an intense envy towards amputees/or disabled person.

For me I wish they could be a little more specific in regards to when amputees, as in do they mean as a person or as a condition.

If it's as a person for me than no, I don't envy them.

As their condition, yes and no.

Let me clarify that a bit, no I do not envy their condition as a whole, and as it applies to them. Because they are themselves (and not their impairments, or abilities), and they have their good spots and bad spots.

As I person I don't necessarily envy them either.

But as a condition, that condition being in and off itself the impairment, in my case the amputation. Than yes I do envy that, and only that.

I’ve often wondered if my biid was effectively treated/resolved, would I still than present as someone with Asperger’s. After much thought, the possibility of still presenting as such a person is there. Equally is the possibility of not presenting as such a person. As it seems that some of the key characteristics in both condition are shared among them both, at least to how I present with Asperger’s, admittedly milder as compared to others.

With some of the words I’ve been using, I’ve typed them out, even though I didn’t know some that they actually existed, or that they would actually apply in the context, so I wondered what the meant and looked them up and found out that not only did they actually existed, and actually applied to what I used them in, almost to their very exact definition. Like I’ve stated earlier that linguistics is absolutely fascinating and that we know, seemingly on a gut level, of which words to used where even if we’re not conscientiously aware of the word we’re attempting actually being a word when in fact it actually is. Absolutely, fascinating, 


Than there's my response, at least on an emotional level when I seen a image like:

 

The reason why it's a her in the pic and not a he, is not because I want to become a woman, nor does it mean that it is a sexual thing. It's just because I thinks she's cute, nothing more to read than just that, nothing there in between the lines, nothing else to read other than that I think that she's cute. Well there might be, but only that nothing else was quickly/easily findable for me. Nearly just the same way as I would think if it were a he rather than she, that he'd be cute, although maybe not as much so, and in a different sense of cute if he'd display that apparent level of confidence.  Likewise if he or she did not have an impairment.

However, I won't deny, and I will even admit that the gender did play a key role in it's cuteness level for me, but that’s essentially normal human nature.

Well, I guess there actually is one more between the lines of why that image specifically, of which is of: that is exactly the level of amputation to the tee needed.

There, now that I think I closed up the, erroneous interpretation  that pic might have opened up, on I go.

Any way my reaction to such an image like that, I just want to cry. Sometimes, well, often that I do cry. Sometimes outrageously and completely uncontrollably cry, sometimes even for hours on end. Albeit sometimes not right at the site of an image like that, all though that does happen sometimes. But more often when I’m alone, such as settling (well, attempting to settle) down for bed.

Now thinking about it, I don’t think that I’ve ever cried for anything else except that. Other than the passing of my father, and the normal childhood injury, and even though I don’t recall every really crying over such things, it was more of am I bleeding, nope than on I go, yes, than mommy I need a band aid and then off I go.

Looking back I don’t ever recall showing, well, maybe outwardly feigning such an emotion, but never/rarely ever feeling any other emotions except for that of crying over such an image.


Well, I’m off to go cry now (literally)...


-David